Chapter 9

Anna turned out to be Catholic. She asked me where the local Catholic church is. So we attended Mass every Sunday at St. Paul's Church. She was so gorgeous, I'd do anything for her, and I mean anything for her.

I bought her groceries, with my own money, and I did her laundry. I even carried her books for her when she walked to from Perkins Hall to the education school, sometimes being late for my own classes in Jefferson.

"Michael, could you do me a favor, sweetheart?" she'd say every time she wanted a favor from me.

"Sure, Anna," I'd reply. On one occasion, I bought Anna bluebooks for her written examinations.

"You're so sweet, Michael," Anna would say. "Very nice."

I was certain she'd go out with me so I went to her room one day and knocked on the door. When she answered, I said, "So, Anna, would you like to do lunch with me? My treat."

"That's so sweet, Michael," said Anna. "I'd love to go, but I have student teaching all day this semester. Maybe next time." By then it was already spring semester that year. Anna had not gone out with me in spite of all the favors I did for her. "While you're at it, could you throw out my trash, sweetheart?"

"Sure, Anna, anything you say," I said to her. I took her trash and dumped it in the trash chute. Then I went back to my room and studied quantum field theory. When I got bored, I went to my laboratory in Jefferson and analyzed data from the observational collaboration I was doing my dissertation on. I studied the dark matter, which purportedly makes up most of the mass of the universe.

Then one day, a breakthrough came. I was doing my homework for chaos and nonlinear dynamics when someone knocked on my door. I answered it, and Anna stood there wearing a Harvard crimson tank top and black shorts. "Quick, Michael," said Anna, "Go buy some condoms and meet me back at my room, and be discreet." She put her finger over her sealed lips.

Wow! My heart raced and I raced out the door to the dorm. I sprinted through Harvard Yard to the CVS store, not even remembering that condoms are a no-no in Catholicism. I dashed to the contraceptives section at the CVS store, grabbed the first box I saw, and raced to the register. I paid for them at lightning speed, and dashed back to Perkins Hall.

I caught my breath outside Anna's room, and then I knocked on her door. Anna answered the door, wearing a pink satin robe. "Thanks, sweetheart," she said as she took the condoms from my hand.

"Babe, come back to bed," a deep voice said from Anna's room.

"You're sweet, Michael. Very nice." Anna closed the door.